Documentation....and script?

So in the event I take a stand, I am to document all the shit that goes down.

Jodi was late 15 minutes on Wednesday. 1130? No. 1145.

Jodi's discussion with me yesterday .After "breast pumping from 705 to 750. AKA "watching TV"

Her breast pumping, saying only half hour breaks, and leaving at 315. When we could NEVER schedule leaving at 315, unless very special occasion, but still not likely. How much does that cost the company every year? You know what? I think I will take a half hour break twice a day and not count it and go watch TV, then leave a half our early, but still count 40 hours a week. Because I'm so powerful I can get away with it.

When Yelena was helping the irate non customer, but the managers only came out AFTER the guy left, they should have been out there during it to support her. This happens more than once with other customers.

The convo yesterday morning about reading the newspaper too long in the morning, and was it really benefiting and contributing to M&I bank. And that was the morning where she breast fed for 45 min, then lectured me on it *after telling me a month ago reading the paper was ok, to start conversations with customers, but now since I am actually reading articles I am taking too long doing it and should just be skimming the paper), then Kate came in and went to sit down and chat with her the rest of the morning. How did SHE contribute to M&I bank that morning?? Waste of money.

The one on ones. We're doing our job. We just arent getting the referrals. Theses one on ones are hurting us not helping us. They make us feel like zeros, lose our confidence (maybe I should leave that out)

When talking about needing to offset time, I am lectured on being late 6 minutes etc. Jodi was late on average 8 min every morning for the first two months she was back, but she never recorded it once on a damn timesheet. I started coming later on average so I wouldnt have to sit there for ten minutes every morning.

Rebecca helping out behind the teller line because Jodi is too busy on an email or personal call

Jodi handing us all of the reports and tasks she should be handling.

Assigning the proof keys to the tellers not her, so she never even has the responsibility to run any proof work or put anything away. There are multiple keys to those cabinets. We can all have one.

Keeping the vault door keys locked in dual control, but still keeping the one on her. How is this safer? Now she has total control.

Avoiding teller work as much as possible. Not helping me with panther booster deposits when I ask. avoiding it by saying she will help with shipment, when Yelena needs the deposits finished to help with shipment.

Interstate battery. We get a pouch? Its put on my desk. I dont get any help. If any huge business deposits are left, we don't get any help from her. And you wonder why we cant get to our lunches on time? we are busy finishing work that could be accomplished sooner on a team, selling our cash, trying to balance and make it out there but its hard to do when Yelena is busy, a customer walks in, and jodi is on her emails not helping. well, cant go to lunch. customers come first.

jodi handing off the drive through deposits today, I asked her to get since I was helping someone on the phone and Yelena was helping a customer. She said she would do it, then gave it to Yelena to do even though she was helping our customers. This put our drive through customer LAST. bad customer service.

treating us like zeros.

How hard is it for both of your to file your own shit? Really? You let it pile up, disorganized, and shove it in my box every couple weeks to fix and file. If you got in the habit of filing it right away, it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not anyones assistant. It is not in my job description. I file my own reports and work that I do. It is your responsibility to file your own reports. You want someone else to? well then get an assistant and pay them to organize and put your shit away for you.

When Jodi asked Ashley to roll her teller tape for her. You leave, you better do your own shit and don't give your work to other people. its your responsibility.

"its your responsibility to also take out the loan sheet that need to be sent down for proof work and fill it out. it requires your initial on it. don't leave it for the closers to do and sign for you."

Don't leave your trays on the floor, and expect us to clean it up for you. You clean up after yourself, I'm not your mom. Jodi left it on the floor next to the cabinet it goes. When finding it there the next day, said "Oh looks like you left yours trays here from Saturday" "No, that was from the change order you did on Friday" "How come no one on Friday picked it up? Or you guys didn't pick it up Saturday?" It is not our job to clean up after our supervisor.

It is not our job to clear the items report. It says on those reports. "Responsible for: CSR Supervisor"

"We feel as if we are doing all of CSR Supervisor work. We are fed up with it. Fed up with feeling like we are treating like the lowest of the low, and still are doing every one else's responsibilities.

It took me a lot of guts to stand up for myself today and tell you how I feel. But because of these things, I feel like a ZERO. I feel I have been treated wrong. I love my job as a teller. But I don't love being treated like a doormat. And today I am not going to take it anymore. This is my job description (hand job description) and I will do this job, and I will do it well. But you need to do yours too. And that means filing your own reports. Doing the tasks assigned to you. Not handing everything off on us to make your life easier. WORKING behind the teller line, not just hiding at your desk on a personal phone call or an email because you don't like to work behind the teller line. It's your JOB. I don't get paid less than you to do all your work."

"These things have been boiling up inside me for months. Because of it, I am unhappy at work, and my performance have been affected by it. Look at my sales reports. Is it because suddenly I suck at sales? No. It's because I hate being here. Because I hate being treated like the shit on your shoes. All of the meetings and confrontations of "hey your sales suck, you must not be trying, what are you going to do to try?" Are not working. It's micromanaging my actions. Its making me not want to try, because what do I get out of those meetings? That I am not just failing, but that I have failed. So after I am done in those meetings, I look at a profile, and I feel bitterness, and I don't care anymore, because if I care, I have to fight feeling like a failure. And I don't have the energy to fight for myself like that day after day after day. So this is my fight, this is my stand. I am not a failure. I am good at my job. I won't always have my sales number, but I do try, and I try hard. But sales are dependent on other people, they are not dependent on me. To think otherwise is foolishness, because our customers are the only ones who can make the decision to say yes to a sale. But lets remember again WHY we are making sales. We our here to serve our clients, and make them as fulfilled and satisfied in the banking products they have with us. If they don't want something, they don't want it. Let's face it. Banking isn't a huge hit right now. our rates our laughable. Savings, who has savings? 10% of people looking in America are JOBLESS. everyone else is struggling to stay afloat. But if I don't make my sales numbers, I am blamed for not trying hard enough, I am blamed for not making it. The more you listen, the more you will hear me try, try, try, and just get shot down, or blown off.


The worst thing about this situation is that I am the kind of person who loves to help other people out, help them with the things they need to get done. But I also expect it in return. You help me, I help you. But what it is here, is "I expect you to do all my work, and I won't ever help you with yours." That is when people start feeling stepped on. And I know I am not the only one here wearing a Welcome door mat around at work all day.

If you want me to continue doing all of these things, all of these tasks for you that are your responsibility, than I demand I get paid for what I am worth, and for your work that I am doing. Pay me for being your personal assistant too. If you can't do that, that be responsible for your own things, and I will be responsible for my teller duties.

God I am so pent up inside. I need to organize this...

Still here. Still trying.

Caffeine just DOES not sit with me. In fact, it runs around my insides going "YEAH! Do you feel me running into all over your organs? YEAH!"

I had a coffee drink. Oops.

Update on me:

I'm holding it in, and letting it all out at the same time. But holding it in. I'm stubborn...I will not cry! Not yet. I'll do too much crying if I start now.

What we really say to each other

This a my morning:

Supervisor: "Stop reading the paper. You suck at your job. Think of ways to do better. I'm not going to tell you what to do, because I am too lazy to. But I will send my evil eye rays to burn through your body until you start sending out mailers for the first 2 hours of your shift every morning. And then after that, you must make millions of phone calls. Because you suck at your job, you are low in your numbers, so obviously you're not trying!"

Me: "I am trying.. Mailers have never got me any referrals. Not one. In the year I have worked here."

Sup: "They get a 10% return. You send 100, you will get 10 referrals back."

Me: "Uh-huh..."

Sup: "Why aren't you thinking of these things? I know you can. I know you are smart enough to figure out how to work on ideas."

Me: "Help me brainstorm other ideas than mailers? Mailers haven't been successful for me, so I am not motivated to do them every morning."

Sup: "I don't want to, but ok. Other ideas? Mailers Mailers Mailers."

Me: "Ok"

Sup: "So what other ideas do you have, oh brilliant one?"

Me: "Mailers."

Sup: "I know you can come up with more ideas."

Me: "Ok, I'll go get started on the mailers..."

Sup: "Great. Oh, Kate is here! I'm going to go over to her desk now and talk to her about shopping and what I had for breakfast and ...well, of course, work really really hard. Because I set such a good example for my employees!"



What have I accomplished this morning? Not one damn mailer.

Let's just cut it down to the basics.

I flipped out on Josiah. Pretty much ended our "friendship". He stopped calling me back and wouldn't email me back and pretty much didn't give a damn and I flipped out on him for it, thinking "no, he really does care. he will fight back." He basically said "whatever, bye."

So I let two days go by, and I called him. We talked like nothing happened, and then finally I said, "I just want to apoligize for flipping out on you the other day." And he said "it's ok, i understand why." Long silence, then my phone cut out (like it always does) tried calling back later. He TEXTS me back "whats up?" I say my phone cut out, was trying to call back. No response. So later I text him "Lav you." (That is our code for Love you like a best friend")

He never texted back.

Why do I do this to myself? Stand up for myself, feel like it is my fault, say sorry, get nothing back, just get dumped on and feel WORSE than before and feel more confirmed that he really doesn't give a FUCK about me anymore.

Buttfuck from Chicago also just "dropped out" for no reason. Just end all communication. But I didn't flip out there. Because, he isn't worth my time or energy.

Michelle has also picked her date to leave. Decemeber fucking 27th.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK

Jodi has been setting my nerves off at work all last week, and this morning. First thing she does this morning is blame her mess on us, when I tell her it was her, then she gets pissed off WE didn't clean it up?

Really? Fuck you lady.

Just fuck everything.

I am so fucking down and bitter and sad and I just need to stay strong and collect myself. But I can't seem to hold anything together anymore.

Stupid

stupid stupid stupid. stop treating me like I am stupid. Stop asking me questions as if I was stupid. Stop discluding me because you think I am stupid. Stop your stupid one-on-ones and stupid tracking sheets and stop writing down my stupid responses to your stupid questions. Can't you see I hate this? Simple as that. Don't over-evaluate. This sucks. Get over it. Move on. Give up. Leave me alone.

What is life really about?

Okay, so let's do the math. The most affordable college tuition out there, you may be looking at around five grand a year. The more ridiculous, averaging around thirty. But let's be fair, and I will pick the number eight grand. Add on miscelaneous fees, you know, "technical services fee" and "parking fees" and "this is just a fee for taking the classes in your major fees." Okay. So another 500 bucks a year, if not more. Now add in books. About five hundred a semester. So we are up to 9500.00 a year.

Here comes the fun part. Add up every day living expenses. Food? 300.00/month. Gas? 150.00/month (although mine usually ranks up to twice that much, but let's be frugal). Cell phone bill? 50.00. Car insurance? 100.00 A place to lay your bed at night? 350-400.00. I won't even count in the oil changes, car repairs, or emergency funds. I will even leave out the internet bill, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and toothpaste you can be sure to spend during your 4-year minimum span in college.

The grand total? Roughly 21,500.00/ year.

Okay. So let's add up what this part time college student makes working for 8.00/hour, the approximate amount you make working for the SCHOOL. We will give them 20 hours a week, although that is pushing it a bit with a full class load and a lot of homework...let's say 20 hours anyway. That makes....7680.00....a YEAR.

Okay. Working full time? Just over 15000.00. So. 21500.00/year?

What, does it look like we're made of money? High school graduates, 18 years old, just starting working at the age of 16. are somehow supposed to have thousands and thousands of dollars saved up?

Or wait, is it the parents who should, even though, let's face it, no one can really make ends meet as is anymore. SAVINGS? Ha. Now all the adults are rolling on the floor. Hysterical.

The best part of all of this? It is the "ideal" situation. No car loan, no baby at home, no pets (horse in my case), the assumption the student will get a job at ALL in the economy.

We turn to the government. "Help us! Give us loans!"

The government responds, "I only give $5400.00 in loans per year to you. Mwahahaha. Take out private loans and indulge yourself in debt and bad credit and homelessness for the rest of your life after college!!!"

And so we do. Because it is our only option.

Unless we prefer to not get a degree, and work at McDonalds the rest of our pointless lives, asking ourself everyday "What is my purpose?" with no answer.

And if you are one of those crazy idea turned billionaires, go fuck yourself right now. Please do. Because while you sit on your ass, getting paid, there are people that could actually really use your money for education. For finding a purpose.

Life's not about money.

But American way of life disagrees. It is now?

my baby girl!

This was Jessa. When she was just a baby!

Fed up with life's promises

I know, I am back to blog already. I have just hit my low again. I have been able to avoid my low for a few weeks now. but boom, it hit again. I feel so tired, dragged out, exhausted, stressed.....don't want to deal with anything, but it is all coming at me fast, out of my control. Michelle is leaving...so soon. These weeks will fly by and she will be gone. On a path in her life she wants to be on, is clear about, and is going to be happy with.

I guess I am just sad she is leaving, sad my path in life isn't with hers. Depressed I have no clarity for my path in life. Depressed because when she leaves, I feel like I will have no best friend anymore. I won't. I won't really have any good friends. The other friends I have now...I never see, I never talk to...and when I do, it never makes me feel better, never gives me that good heart to heart friend advice fuzzy feeling. It's all so empty.

I am such a pissy person when I am depressed. I feel like...if another customer comes in, I am going to throw a rock at them. I am sick of having to perk up with a smile on my face for them. fuck you all! I say. go away. come back on a better day.

I feel ugly and fat. On top of it all.

help me

Things I hate:

When people don't pick up the branch phone because they get paid more than you do, so when I am busy helping someone, and they are just doing paperwork, they can't answer the phone and help out for one measley moment! Get off your high horse!

This stupid fucking economy

The educational system and how we are supposed to go into thousands of debt, going to full time school during the day and still magically be able to work to live and support ourselves at night doing part time work at Pizza Hut and getting 4.0GPAs!

The military, and how they pick everything for you, but still make it the most alluring thing to do in times like these. At least you know you won't be homeless. Should I join the air force?

How pushy my horse is when she is anxious

Working here

People who fuck your life up because they blame you for fucking up their own

Guys who really don't care about anything but getting you in bed

The lack of direction in my life

My bank account

This rope burn on my thumb...ow ow ow

lol. OK. that's enough for now.

So everyone. Question of the day:

Thousands of debt, living on the street in a box, having no time, very stressed out, 5 years of college in North buttfuck Dakota?

OR

Air force. Being told what to do when to do it not getting paid a whole lot but hey you get free food and a bed I guess. Being put under mounds of stress and getting yelled at day after day, feeilng like a worthless peice of shit.


tough choice.

Help me out here people?

the deal

That ranch is going to be emptied in a week.

4 horses moved out yesterday, mine included. Eddie was fired, Greta quit. Nichole just got kicked out, and will be moving her 2 horses with another lady and her horses Sunday. Sam and Patrick are moving there horses, and so is Sam's mom (she was buddy buddy with Barb too)


When I left work yesterday to go move my horse, Greta already did, and she grabbed all of my stuff. She said "friends don't let friends be treated like that. I had to do what I had to do."

Laura was in college in class all day and her boyfriend Bert who has no horse knowledge and is afraid of horses helped Greta load them up! Lisa called up her friend who had a truck and he was there on the double to help people he never even met before. Lisa put in her notice the very night Barb gave me the boot. Really, the second after I told her about it she went and put in her notice.

I was so amazed yesterday. We boarders, we're family. We stick together.

Something I have learned...horse people are either the worst craziest nutcases you will ever meet,

or else they are the best most loving, stick together group of family you will ever have.